4 Tips from a Professional Matchmaker to Empower Women to Protect Themselves Against Love Scams
#BreakTheBias is the 2022 International Women’s Day tagline. The purpose is obvious, to create a world free of bias, stereotypes and discrimination over women. Even though gender equality has been fought by women for a long time, in some cases, there’s still a tendency of judgment from society for women to get the blame.
Look at what happened to the victims of Simon “Leviev” (as he claimed on the show) on the trending Netflix documentary, The Tinder Swindler. When the female victims tried to speak up and expose the scam, many blamed them for believing in a fairy tale made-up story and being blinded by the money and luxurious lifestyle shown by Simon.
In fact, society’s judgment is not necessarily true. Based on the survey done by Asia’s #1 dating agency Lunch Actually in 2021, the result showed that the pandemic changed the type of singles in dating apps. Out of the 500 singles surveyed in Malaysia, 50% of them said they encountered more scammers. While these love scammers have gotten more sophisticated over the years, the pattern always remains the same – their goal is to get women to be emotionally attached to them so that they would do anything for them.
In the documentary, the victims of this elaborate love scam are successful, independent and career women. They are not tricked because they are blind and fooled by a luxurious lifestyle, but by the manipulative actions of Simon. Just like most love scam victims, they too, are educated and smart women who are capable of supporting themselves. But scammers know exactly what to say and when to say it – to get the women to trust them.
Violet Lim, CEO & Co-Founder of Lunch Actually, shares her 4 red flags to spot scammers on dating apps, which will help single women to be careful before putting their heart into someone they meet online.
- They are never based in your city.
When you start talking to scammers, they are always based overseas. Or in the rare scenario that they say they aren’t, they would always go on a lot of business trips or that they are stationed overseas for work temporarily. Basically, they are always unable to arrange a meet-up with you.
- Their profiles are usually too good to be true.
These scammers would have very attractive profiles and pictures. Their photos show a luxurious lifestyle: vacations on a yacht, travelling all around the world, posing with their sports car, and so on. Remember, nowadays everything can be rented, including luxurious stuff.
A tip for you: Go for less attractive profile photos because there’s a higher chance that they are real and genuine, instead of these scammers who seem to have the perfect photos.
Also, if the person that you’re matched with looks too gorgeous like a supermodel – you can use Google Reverse Image Search to check the authenticity of these photos! Many scammers often use photos of models online to pretend like it’s their own.
- Their life sounds like a soap opera.
After talking to them for a little while, they would start telling you about their problems to get your sympathy. There are many known tactics that scammers like to use, such as: having a sick or dying family member, business is not doing well, trying to invest in a new business but they’ve encountered issues, having no close-knit family or friends and no one else to turn to when they need help.
From here, they would slowly start to ask you for help in terms of donations or lending them money.
A tip for all of you: Never lend money to people that you don’t know and have never met in real life! Scammers know how to gain your trust and sympathy but do not ever disclose your personal information or bank details to someone you have not met before.
- They know exactly all the right things to say.
It’s very likely that you are talking to a scammer if he is being super sweet and affectionate before actually meeting you in person. He would immediately tell you that he loves you, you’re his dream woman, you’re the one, or that he’s never felt this way before.
Even though he makes it seem like you’re the one, he would never agree to a meet-up or a video call. He would give you excuses to NOT show his face, but many unsuspecting victims still believe and hang on to them because they’re already emotionally involved.
Scammers would often also send you expensive gifts, but tell you that they are stopped by customs, and need you to pay the tax first to release the items.
Tip: Real customs will go through official procedures and won’t ask anyone to send a bank transfer. So do not fall for this trick and never send any money.
Violet also shares 4 safety tips when it comes to online dating:
- Don’t share your particulars, such as your workplace or home address
Workplace and home addresses are very confidential areas that are supposed to be private. Only people you really trust can know this specific information. The problem is, scammers tend to make themselves very trustworthy. Remember that you still need to have the ‘doubt’ over someone else, especially if you meet them online.
- And avoid sending personal intimate images of yourself over the internet that may be used against you
Sending and receiving self-images indeed make you feel closer to someone. Remember the boundaries. Not everyone appreciates your intimate pictures since the pictures can be used against you when something goes south. Pictures can be the ultimate weapon nowadays, put up your safety over everything first.
- When going on a first date, meet in a public meeting place, like a mall or restaurant during day time
Usually, scammers avoid public spaces since they are afraid someone may recognize them. If your match avoids meeting you in public spaces, it’s something you should be wary about. Meeting someone you barely know in a public space, especially during the daytime will give you the benefit of safety since you may ask for help anytime you think you need it.
- And let your friends know that you’re going on a date, when, where and with whom you are meeting
Give the specific information to people you trust when you are about to go on a date with someone you know through dating apps. Send them a live location if it’s possible, your date’s number, and other specific details about the date. Taking more precautions is better than letting your guard down.
“You don’t need validation from other people that you are worth it, and don’t blame yourself for becoming a victim of a scammer. If you think you are talking to a scammer or have been scammed, stop engaging with them and report it to the authority immediately,” Violet advised.